Letting nature back in

Most of us have gardens, balconies, paths and driveways; which can be filled too easily with concrete or paving slabs that are not natural and relaxing to the eye. Gathering a few flower pots and filling them with colourful flowers can brighten up seemingly drab and boring places in our homes. Which will give us focus nurturing them as well as the reward of seeing their bright blooms.

I should have posted this blog way back in the spring; when it is time to plant seeds for them to bloom throughout the summer. However, now is the time to collect seeds for next year; as most flowers loose their petals and get ready for the first autumn chills. So hopefully I can use this time to also plant the idea of growing flowers to relax in you too; all ready for a new years growth.

Choosing your flower seeds, pots and location

Deciding which flowers to grow was an easy decision for me; a variety of bright colours and plenty of pollen to help the poor bees. A quick google search soon led me to many: variety seed packs with a range of prices. After reading many well written reviews on Amazon; I settled on this pack from prontoseed.co.uk

With twenty four different varieties at a cost of just £10.99; I couldn’t help but smile when I saw the pictures of what would grow with my dedication. From the humble Poppy, the majestic Marigold and the cheerful Candytuft to the forever happy Sunflower; seeds of many bright flowers of varying shapes and sizes to plant and nurture.

I found a few old flower pots from years past in the shed and decided to buy a few more to have enough space to plant all these beautiful flowers. I bought big terracotta coloured plastic pots in DIY stores at a reasonable price and then bought a couple of more expensive pots from garden centres. The packet of wild seeds will normally tell you how much bare earth you need in square metres. So I placed all the pots together until I had approximately the right area.

For soil to fill the pots; I googled top soil and compost. On the Wickes website; I saw a deal for four 25 litre bags of soil for £10. Whilst I was there, I spotted a big 50 litre bag of compost with four months feed; for just £4.

After a long day at work, when the cold March rain had finally relented; I filled the pots with a mixture of the soil and compost. After re reading the planting instructions on the seed packets; I carefully sowed the seeds.

Growing pains

After sowing the seeds; I put growing flowers to the back of mind as I would not expect to see any shoots for at least a week. Everyday, I would come home from work and check to see the pots were well watered; yet the almost constant drizzle was doing this for me. However, glancing out the window one evening; I saw small lumps of soil and compost strewn on the ground around the pots. I realised that this was the work of small birds looking for worms in the bare earth. So finding an old piece of wire netting; I placed it over the pots to prevent them reaching the soil below.

Although I had sowed the seeds in late March; hard overnight frosts are normal in southern England. So every evening I would cover the wire net with old bedsheets and curtains to form a cosy cover for the fragile flower seeds. Then early every morning before work; I would walk out and take off the blankets so they could enjoy the precious hours of early spring daylight.

First growth

As the sun warmed the earth enough to stop the overnight frosts and the constant drizzle stopped like a ethereal fixed tap; the first signs of fragile new life pushed their way up through the soil. Just seeing these young shoots break the surface put a smile on my face and filled me with contentment. Yes I had done a little work to make this happen; yet the shear strength and determination of mother nature to make new life is always something that will amaze me.

Sit back and watch the flowers grow

So as the temperatures increased both day and night through April; I saw rapid growth in the once bare flower pots. I remembered to water the plants everyday before going to work and would come home to find almost miracle like daily growth. The first flowers to appear were the: Forget-me-nots. Yet they were soon followed by the Alyssum and Cornflower.

Through April and May it seemed everyday new flowers would bloom. Every imaginable colour and shade of petal were put on display by these proud plants. So everyday after coming home from work that could be stressful; I would instantly relax when I set eyes on this little oasis of floral delights.

… and when autumn comes

now as I write in late August; I look out on the same garden and see the next season starting to arrive. The apple tree in the corner cannot hold its fruit anymore, the blackberries are full and ripe and a cool wind has returned from the north. Most of the flower heads have now dropped their petals and turned into seed heads. Yet I am not sad as I collect seeds for next years blossoms. I have enjoyed this summer with the help of these floral friends and look forward to seeing them all again next year.

Check out my other pages on how to relax at home: Relaxing at home

Yet like our flowery friends; relax and smile in the winter winds and shine on

The third Monday in January is supposed to be the most depressing day of the year! Let me explain why it is actually the most exciting third Monday in January!

“Blue is the colour of the sky
In the mornin’, when we rise
In the mornin’, when we rise
That’s the time, that’s the time
I love the best…” –
Colours by Donovan

Stop the rot!

The fallacy that the third Monday in January is the most depressing day in the year; is simply a lie. Conjured up by depraved souls in the travel industry, to make you believe that by booking a package holiday in the upcoming summer; your struggles with the long cold dark nights of January will magically disappear! Yet you, I and common sense know that is complete nonsense! Any day of the year can be depressing for rightful reasons. Yet never ever let anyone or anything make you believe you are sad or wrong! Onwards and upwards; brave souls! Let us make the most of this Monday and everyday after that!

Early to bed, early to rise; makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise!

The day before ‘Blue Monday’ is Funday; I mean Sunday! Go for a walk in the fresh air with your nearest and dearest and just relax into nature. Turn off your phone and listen to the birds and the wind in the trees. Make and take a picnic and enjoy the taste off a fresh ham sandwich after you have grown hungry from a bracing walk in a northerly breeze.

Then get home and run a warm bubbly bath and appreciate just being warm and then clean! Put your feet up after a hearty dinner; have a beer or a glass of wine and maybe a dram to ease the muscles and mind. Yet do not stay up too late watching some depressing documentary or tragic serial of a serial killer! Head early to bed for maybe a chapter of a interesting book. Then turn off the lights and wish yourself a goodnight.

So when the alarm goes at some ungodly hour; you jump out of bed full of life and power! Save time and money later in the day; by eating a big breakfast before you leave the house. Queueing in a bakery or café to buy breakfast; is not only expensive and time consuming, but maybe stressful too as you try to choose and chew with strangers in full view! Skip to work or just drive; with a pack lunch that you made the night before and along with the right frame of mind, your day can only be kind!

No work, no money or honey?

Have you lost your job or even worse; you are in a job you do not enjoy? Well make this the Monday you change everything! Tell your boss the truth; tell the customers they are not right; as a result you can tell the truth from here on and out!

You are out of money after spending all your hard earned cash on material things? The things that you were told would you make you happy by the made up girl on the advert? Well you cannot grow a straight row of potatoes with a overpriced car; you cannot keep warm in that thin silk shirt and you cannot clean the dirt whilst holding that overpriced phone in your hand.

No; today is the day you run, jump and fly away from the rat race way of thinking! People who think you are crazy are actually in awe; the friends by the whirlpool were just there for the fair weather and the you’ll soon meet the greatest person ever: the true you!

Unlucky in love; lonely, beaten, cheated on and left in the gutter? Or with someone who does not appreciate you? Well today is the day you leave them far behind in the shadows of your mind. Love yourself, appreciate yourself, respect yourself; you are the greatest! Do you think you are walking alone? You are not; surrounded by good thoughts and feelings, you are on top of the world! Appreciate your family and true friends; for they have stood by you through thick and thin!

‘The sweet is never as sweet; without the sour’

There are rightful reasons to feel depressed and low. Bereavement, losing a lover or just too much stress from a unhealthy job. It is easy for me to write here; yet try to see everything in perspective. Remember the good times and remember they are with you in spirit. You cannot turn back the clock; yet try to show them you are making the most of the present day! What is more; grieve and learn about loss in your own sweet time. If friends become impatient with your sadness; then grieve alone until you feel happy again.

As for stress from work or man made things in the present moment? Simply leave them in the present moment and they will soon be the past.

If you find you are struggling and becoming stressed; it is best to simply focus on your breathing. Read my first blogs to perfect the technique: Breathe and Breathing techniques to relax

‘Carpe diem’

So do not listen to the naysayers, doom mongers or saccharine social media. Make the most of this Monday and everyday. Enjoy it, use it and make the most of it! Learn, work hard, exercise and eat well. Fear nothing but fear itself; and you will climb any: ‘mountains of the mind’.

A long term review of a comfortable but sturdy boot from Berghaus; the Berghaus Expeditor Ridge 2.0

A reputation built on miles of family walks

My parents and then my siblings and I; have been keen walkers for the last fifty years. From: Sunday walks; to autumn half term breaks in the Lake District; to hikes further afield in the Alps and Pyrenees. Having to find boots for our nine pairs of feet has been a expensive task for our parents over the years. So after wasting money on trying poor quality alternatives; a brand we have always returned to is Berghaus.

To find out more about this classic British brand and help support the UK economy; checkout their own website here: https://www.berghaus.com/berghaus-history.html

With one of their latest designs being called the ‘Expeditor Ridge’; we had little difficulty in deciding what to buy. There is another boot by Berghaus; named: ‘Expeditor Trek’. Which has suede uppers for hiking in warmer and more humid places; yet here in a English winter, the Expeditor Ridge is the right choice.

Design and fit

The Expeditor boot is lightweight at only 1020 grams per pair; so they certainly wont slow your pace. With an upper made from scuff resistant leather and AQ water resistant lining; you will remain comfortable what ever the weather. I have walked for over six hours in the pouring rains of the Lake District: Wast Water; and for over four hours in the snows of the Pyrenees: Ibon de Gorgutes and Puerto de Glera; yet my toes remained warm and dry throughout

The ankle support is well designed, with your malleoli being enclosed and protected; yet not restricted even with the laces drawn tight. The rear of the ankle support is lower to help the ankle flex as you walk forward. It is possible for small stones to enter the boot here; yet this is rare and are easily removed with the simple lace system.

There is a high level of grip thanks to the OPTI-STUD sole; that has given me the confidence to walk on icy paths and steps.

The neutral grey colours of the boot mean you can wear them anywhere you need; without feeling like a high coloured advert for a sports company. With the smooth smart lines of the boot making them respectable enough to enter any bar or restaurant on a cold winters night.

Sizing

Like most people my feet are actually different sizes! My right foot is just smaller than a UK size 10 (EU size 44.5) and the left is just under a UK size 9.5 (EU size 44)! Yet due to the need to wear thick thermal socks for winter walking; my boots are a UK size 10.5 (EU size 45).

On top of this, my feet are really wide in relation to their length! So much so; I have split newer shoes where they just could not keep my fat feet from flattening out!

Yet with even thinner socks; these boots do not fill loose or unwieldy like a clown shoe! They truly hold the foot like a hand in a glove by allowing the natural movement of the foot without pressurising certain points like the ankle, heel or the big toe and small toe mounds.

To compare, I made the mistake of once using cheap army surplus boot. The cut was much higher up the leg with long laces. So I once made the mistake of tying the laces around my leg to lose the length; which resulted in blisters on both sides of my legs where the boot rubbed as it flexed against my swelling muscles. Not to mention the various blisters on the heel and toes of my foot as it flopped about in what was apparently the right size for me!

Over a year of wear without tear

So I have worn these boots almost every Sunday to walk in the English countryside; as well as weeks hiking in France and Spain. Not to mention countless wet and cold days; where I have worn them to work, shops and friends houses. So as I write, my pair of Berghaus Expeditors are now approximately 14 months old and still looking fresh!

The toe box is scuffed from walking through rough terrain; yet has not broken weakened the leather. On the top of the little toe mound, where the toe box meets the sole; the stitching is starting to come away. Yet no water is able to ingress and the boots structure is maintained by the rest of the stitching across the top of the boot.

Yet the heel of the foot is hardly worn, the laces have not even started to fray and the insole is still cushioning my foot from the terrors of ‘terra firma’.

I wonder when I will have to buy them again?

So to answer the question on your mind? ‘Yes’! I would buy them again too! Yet the paradox of buying such a well made boot such as this one from Berghaus; is that they last so long, you do not know when they need to be replaced! In three, four, five years; will newer models be this good? With new environmental laws and events out of our control; maybe we will be lucky to have this quality in the future? My mother has had a pair of Berghaus boots that have lasted over ten years; so who knows when?

Yet for now, I always feel confident to walk anywhere in these boots and that is all that really matters. From a whole day in the rain, hours in knee deep snow or just rough terrain in high summer; I have always felt happy in these boots. The £95 to £110 price tag is still a lot of money to must; yet compare it to any other boot or shoe and then realise how long they will last and you are on to a winner for many years to come.

December 2021 update

Almost a year has passed since this review and sadly the quality of the Berghaus boot has come to light. The glue has given way between the upper fabric of the right toe box where it meets the sole on the inside of the shoe. In addition, the stitching on the outside of right boot has failed; to the extent that water easily enters the boot. This leaves me with a wet foot, on the gentlest of walks without puddles.

So, I would no longer recommend these boots. It seems Berghaus have fallen for the same mentality of so many brands; by having their clothing made in the far East by cheap labour. Where the focus is not on quality and longevity but aesthetics and a low price.

When I was barely a teenager; my parents found the money to buy me a pair of classic walking boots for the many school trips and camps in the cold and wet English countryside. They were too big when I first wore them because they knew I would have room to grow into them and last me for many years. I was still wearing the boots ten years later when I was leaving university. I will now buy from this brand again; after such a sad experience with Berghaus. The name of this brand: Lomer. They are Italian and you can find out for yourself here: http://www.lomer.it/en-UK/. Or read my review here: Lomer Keswick MTX walking boots review

I hope you are all able to enjoy a relaxing walk in warm comfortable boots. Happy walking.

Lockdown and the cold weather make it hard to get outside; yet get inspired with these books and maps that have inspired me to get back on the bike.

Links to my own rides that have come from reading these books.

1. ‘The Great Bicycle Adventure’ and ‘Clear Waters Rising’ by Nicholas Crane

I first encountered Nicholas Crane on a BBC television series about the joy of walking. With the presenter, he was walking part of a long distance route he had previously undertaken. From Cape Finisterre on the Atlantic coast of Spain, to Istanbul in Turkey; he walked almost always in mountain ranges that linked to make one long route. He wrote a book on this epic walk; called: ‘Clear Waters Rising’.

In the television programme he was walking a section through the Spanish Pyrenees. Which introduced our family to the valley of Benasque; where I have enjoyed many holidays and countless bike rides in the picturesque Pyrenees. Please check out my website for my own routes; yet, here is a link to a ride in this wonderous place: Autumn in the Pyrenees (Benasque Valley)

I saw this television programme when I was still a teenager; full of dreams of travelling the world and exploring new places by bike. So after reading ‘Clear Waters Rising’; I noticed the author had written other tales of adventure. One of the most interesting is detailed in the aptly named: ‘Great Bicycle Adventure’.

Along with his cousin, way back in the late eighties; Nicholas rides to the point on the earths surface that is furthest from any sea or ocean. It was a amazing read for a younger me and the philosophy of riding anywhere has stuck with me.

2. ‘Cycling home from Siberia’ by Rob Lilwall

On a old fashioned mountain bike called ‘Alanis’; this dude cycled over 35,000 miles from Siberia to London. Riding through a bitter Russian winter that the locals thought was suicide. The sweltering heat of the far East and Australia and cold of Tibet. The peaceful Afghanistan and Iran of 2004 and back across Europe. With the patience of a saint and the humility of a pauper; he describes a journey that few of us could even comprehend. A must for any cycling enthusiasts’ reading list; read and enjoy the world by bike.

3. ‘Moods of future joys’ and ‘Thunder and Sunshine’ by Alastair Humphreys

Rob Lilwall did not set out alone from Siberia; he began the ride by joining up with Alastair Humphreys. An amazing chap; who had already cycled through: Europe, the length of Africa and the Americas and crossed the Bering Sea to get to Magadan in eastern Russia!
Yet after braving the cold of a Russian winter; they fell out, but then parted on good terms, to go their separate ways home. Read all about Alastair Humphreys odyssey in these two books:

4. ‘Lost Lanes’ by Jack Thurston

A bit closer to home is a series of books by Jack Thurston. Well researched, well written and with stunning photographs; Mr Thurston describes 36 routes in each regional based book of Great Britain. Having grown bored and tired of my regular rides in the local area; this book gave me inspiration to try new routes that are not too far from home. Find the one for your area and try for yourself:

Places I have ridden; solely through reading about them first!

5. ‘It’s Not About the Bike’ by Lance Armstrong

After the truth came to light; this guy has been made a pariah for what was a sport wide problem. Yet like when you believed in Father Christmas as a child; cast your mind back to when Lance was everyone’s hero. Brutal attacks on the Tourmalet, epic TT battles with Ullrich and that off-roading on a road bike to avoid poor Beloki.
If you remember Lance Armstrong as a: serial drug abuser, perjurer and bully; you must also remember he made an incredible recovery from testicular cancer in his younger years. His confidence and positive outlook have certainly inspired me to keep cycling. In this book, he describes the early years and his battle with cancer.

6. ‘Mountain High: Europe’s 50 Greatest Cycle Climbs’ by Daniel Friebe

This brilliant book was bought for me by my dear mother way back in 2011 for Christmas. Crammed with fifty climbs all over Europe; it is perfect inspiration for a holiday adventure. I personally flew to the Italian Dolomites; to ride the legendary Sella Ronda after reading about this far flung ride.
Before the internet age; every route description comes with a helpful diagram of gradients and directions. Along with a well researched description and stunning full page photos. Put down your Garmin, Strava or mobile phone and pick this book up for a classic route to ride.

7. ‘The Man who cycled the World’ by Mark Beaumont

The mild mannered Mark Beaumont is now famous for his supported record breaking achievements. Yet back when he started this ride, he was unknown and sometimes alone on our big wide world. Read this classic account of a round the world ride. With honest descriptions of emotions as well as places and people; this is heart-warming easy read for a cold winter night.

8. Ordnance Survey maps

Although not strictly a book that you can read; OS maps have brought me so much joy and inspiration over the years. Being brought up in a age before the internet, smart phones and GPS; knowing the way to go has always come from reading a map. Studying the route of the little pink dashed and dotted lines; that represent bridleways and footpaths that criss cross Great Britain is great fun. Linking up places of interest, knowing where paths go and looking for safer off-road cycling routes causes me to study our world renowned maps for sometimes hours on end! The original pink covered maps cover a wider area; with the orange covered maps giving greater detail of a smaller area. Buy your local map and find the way!

9. ‘Big Mile Cycling’ by Sean Conway

A thrilling read from the flame haired ultra distance rider, runner and swimmer: Sean Conway. Describing an attempt to ride across Europe from Portugal to Russia in record time; this ‘thriller’ is hard to put down. In addition he considers the sport of ultra distance cycling as well as remembering fallen friends.

10. ‘Lanterne Rouge: The Last Man in the Tour de France’ by Max Leonard

No book recommendation list could not be complete without this brilliant book about the ‘Lanterne Rouge’. The name meaning red light in French; was given to the last rider in the Tour de France, to acknowledge his position in the rear. The author recounts tales of: daring, doping, debauchery and other others; to highlight how life is not just about winning. For highlighting human failings that have helped me stay realistic and relaxed in my riding; I recommend this book above all others. ‘Allez, allez et au revoir; salut’!

The concept of ‘forest bathing’ or ‘shinrin-yoku‘; is literally walking into a forest, to open and submerse all your senses in nature.

Forest bathing or ‘Shinrin-yoku’

A great way to relax, is to simply go for a walk in the woods. This has been given the term: ‘forest bathing’; because you are literally submerged in nature. For most of us in Europe; a forest or wood is not far from where we live. By taking just a few hours out from our man made schedules and commitments; we can: boost our immune systems, clear our thoughts and relax to how mother nature made us to be.

‘Shinrin – yoku’

The ability to go for a walk in the woods has been possible ever since homo erectus decided to stand up on his or hers hind legs and go for a walk! Yet only in recent years, with the overpowering stresses and strains of our man made habitats and societies; has the need to identify ways to relax and return to a state of natural well being.

In the 1980’s, there was a huge increase in the use of technology; with computers, cell phones and other inventions forcing our natural speed to its limits. In addition, more and more people spent time indoors; in: offices, shops, warehouses and factories. With one study by Tokyo Doctor Qing Li; estimating Japanese city dwellers were indoors a staggering 93 percent of their time! The Japanese government noticed that this caused: an increase in: depression, disillusionment and physical pain. So Dr. Qing Li, prescribed to patients not pills; but advice to simply spend at least a couple of hours each week, out in nature. By going to a forest; you are completely surrounded by nature. No houses, roads or machines are visible; so the body can only focus on nature.

Here below; is an Amazon link to buy Dr Qing Li’s book:
Please note: “As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.”

A branch of benefits

Walking through a forest, provides the obvious benefit of fresh oxygenated air.

In addition, by leaving behind your daily stresses from work and social situations; you are returning to your natural self and rhythm. You will give yourself time to contemplate any issues; without being forced into making immediate decisions. Your adrenaline and cortisol levels will drop further as well. Issues that seemed so serious; will often fade into insignificance when you realise they don’t matter out in nature. Take a moment to look for animals and insects and notice their behaviour. Are they: on a phone, on Whatsapp, checking the time? No, they are simply going about their natural need to forage and feed.

Consider your five senses and make sure they are all open to nature. A deep forest will prevent views and sounds of civilization. Touch barks and mosses; smell fragrances of flowers and sap. Evergreen trees give out more beneficial oils but all trees are equally amazing!
Taste any edible berries or just the aromas floating in the oxygen rich air.

The benefits of ‘forest bathing’ do not stop there. Studies have found that trees emit essential oils as they photosynthesise. In these oils, there are chemical compounds known as: Phytoncides. These compounds boost the human immune system by increasing the white blood cells that kill viruses and bacteria that enter our bodies.

This is explained very well by the amazing Dr. Eric Berg on YouTube:

The way to the woods!

I am sure you know of a local wood or forest; that is not too far away. If you are new to an area or just passing through; then you can simply Google: ‘woods near me’!

Try to not drive too far or spend too much time and money getting to a wood or forest. If you cannot get to a lot of trees; try and find just a copse or single tree in a park or street near you.

As always; take care and be safe. Tell someone where you are going and take your mobile phone but turn it off. Dress appropriately for the time of year and altitude. Check the weather and the sunset time. If you don’t feel safe being alone; then go to forests where there are other like minded walkers.

Try to make a walk in a wooded area part of your daily commute or just go for a Sunday walk with friends, family or alone. Studies show that the benefits of a two hour forest walk last for about two weeks; so set that as a minimum target.

Look at your roots

So by simply going for a walk in the woods; we can reduce stress, risks of serious illnesses and improve our immune systems. Yet the amazing benefits do not stop there. By being outside we are absorbing Vitamin D that again helps to improve our immune system. We are also exercising; so we become stronger and we get another happy hit from the release of the good chemicals called: serotonin.

Do not take my word for it; here are two really interesting articles from National Geographic and Time:

https://www.nationalgeographic.com/magazine/2016/01/call-to-wild/

https://time.com/5259602/japanese-forest-bathing/

Okay, so a walk in the woods is difficult for those of you who live in the Sahara, sail the seven seas or are just housebound. If you are currently under a curfew due to the current world pandemic; at least use the many photos on this page for inspiration. Remember them, close your eyes and go for a walk in your mind!

Get out there and return to nature!

When we are with people we can trust; we feel relaxed. Deciding who to trust and to what extent is a lifelong art.

The importance and need to trust

David DeSteno, states in his brilliant book: The Truth About Trust: “the need to trust implies one fundamental fact: you’re vulnerable.”

A baby has no choice but to trust its parents. As we grow; we learn to test the trust of the people around us. We lose trust and then mistrust; yet we find trust in strangers. Everyday, we are trusting people and things; to love us, to do as we expect, to work, to protect us, to stay alive! So when we are reassured in our trust; we feel relaxed.

We can look to a dictionary for a literal definition of trust; yet it is an invisible force that only really exists in our minds. So ‘trust’ is a huge concept in: sociology, psychology and philosophy. Yet here I wanted to take a light-hearted look at ways of trusting to relax with the people you meet in life.

Definition of trust (noun and verb)

Noun:
1a: assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something
b: one in which confidence is placed
2a: dependence on something future or contingent: HOPE

Verb:
1a: to rely on the truthfulness or accuracy of : BELIEVE trust a rumor
b: to place confidence in : rely ona friend you can trust
c: to hope or expect confidently trusts that the problem will be resolved soon

https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/trust

Without trust you will never feel truly relaxed

If your trust has been broken just once by a bad experience; it is easy to try and protect yourself by not trusting anyone ever again! Yet, release all your anger and hurt feelings, in a therapeutic way. Then let yourself trust again and you will soon rediscover the pure love and happiness that comes from trust!

It is said that Arab culture is built on a mutual mistrust; yet it has been proven that they lose out in many ways. Opportunities and experiences are avoided or delayed; which could lead to a pretty sad and boring life: https://www.japantimes.co.jp/opinion/2016/07/11/commentary/world-commentary/roots-mistrust-middle-east-societies/#.XpmlWshKjIU

In popular culture, there is fear of false arrest; simply because the police have been lied to so many times, they trust no one! Or have you ever seen a healthy poker player?! Do crocodiles have any friends? In the old cowboy films; did the bad guys ever look relaxed?

Closer to home: do relationships without trust last long?

Rebuilding bridges…

I believe we are born with a natural want to trust. We are then fed and protected by our parents when we are young and this leaves a lifelong desire to trust and be trusted. Friends and family can push our abilities to trust, to breaking point. Yet it seems to hurt most when a loved one betrays all the love, effort and dedication that you have given to them. However, trust me when I say the best thing to do is trust again!

First of all; let out the anger that protects you from being hurt anymore. Go for a long walk and scream and shout at the top of your lungs. Exercise until you are so tired you can only sleep. Read my blog on breathing techniques; and become calm:
https://routestorelax.com/2019/11/02/breathing-techniques-to-relax/

Then try to calmly and logically understand why your trust has been broken. Maybe your partner could never be true because they are suffering from mistrust themselves? Maybe your partner has unresolved issues; that all your love and care could never resolve? Maybe you caused them to lose trust in you first and never realized through your own ignorance?

However your trust was lost; accept that you can still trust yourself. If you did the best you could; then don’t look back in anger, look back in acceptance and remember people still trust you.

… to the future

If you lost trust in your partner or feel betrayed by an ex partner; then it is never too late to trust again. When the raw emotion and flames of temper have subsided; why not build bridges and have a new but honest and realistic friendship? This is so much more important when children are involved; because our inability to trust should not be passed onto future generations.

Therefore, hold up your hands and smoke the proverbial peace pipe. Sit down and discuss openly why things went wrong. Your partner may say harsh truths but realise that is far better than rebuilding trust on a foundation of old lies. Be realistic, be honest, be pragmatic; to rebuild and relax in a brave new world of trust.

The benefits of trust

So maybe you can start a relationship afresh and be happier, stronger but more relaxed together? Maybe an ex partner can still be a life long friend because you still remember and can see why you got on so well together in the first place. Maybe you will meet new partners but realise the grass is not always greener! If you trust people and show you can be trusted; you will always be happy and relaxed with many friends and family for years to come who appreciate your trust and good nature.

I do not want to go too deeply into the psychology of trust. Not because I am not qualified; but because I also do not want to bore you! Yet the interesting diagram below by Robert Plutchik; demonstrates what comes from the ability to trust. He stated that there are eight basic emotions that are related to each other: anger, anticipation, joy, trust, fear, surprise, sadness and disgust. When you combine the emotions of trust with fear; you become submissive. Yet combine the emotion of trust with joy and you have love!

Keep trust alive!

So you have realised the importance of trust. You are in a new relationship and want to make it stronger; or in an old relationship that is going the distance after a slip along the way. To keep the trust alive a little work and concentration is needed everyday!

Trust does comes naturally. Yet remember that you can demonstrate your ability to trust and be trusted in simple ways:

– be honest but kind in the words you use
– be honest and tell people your thoughts and not what you think they want to hear.
– admit mistakes and errors in judgement. You will be more trusted ever more.
– be open to trusting strangers; for you are a stranger too!
– trust your feelings
– trust your decisions
– trust yourself; if no one else will!

Therefore I trust I will find you well?

So we learnt to trust when we were young. We are reminded from time to time when we lose trust. Yet take time to consider your actions and make sure they are trustworthy and true. To paraphrase the bible: ‘treat and trust others as you would like to be treated and trusted’. However, when all else fails; you need internal strength and calm, so always trust yourself.

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Keeping relaxed and happy through a long cold winter

Refreshing routes to relax

The merriness of Christmas is gone now, only the bill remains; the winter solstice has gone but the nights are still long; the sun also rises but we keep spinning silently away from it!
Yet do not despair; there is a route to happiness and relaxation when it seems the whole world is conspiring against you!

Here we will look at easy tricks to keep the darkness at bay:

Good morning!

Set the alarm and wake up the same time you do in the summer. It will be dark outside; yet but you are a shining light from within!

Make the bed, have a shower to freshen up and make breakfast. Make a coffee, brew a tea or just have a glass of freshly squeezed orange juice. Whilst waiting for your breakfast to cook; why not step outside for a moment and breathe in fresh cool air? A boost of oxygen and the shock of the cold; will soon cause both mind and soul to be wide awake.

Try salmon, mackerel or tuna; grilled on toast. Go European and have lean steak sandwich. Or if you are a humble soul like me; just scramble up to three eggs or make a bowl of porridge. The reason being, all these foods are great sources of Vitamin D; so a great substitute for when the sun is not shining.

Vitamin D

The best way to get Vitamin D is to be in direct sunlight. With the body making Vitamin D; when direct sunlight reacts with cholesterol in skin cells. The purpose of Vitamin D is to primarily regulate calcium and phosphorous; that makes are bones and teeth strong. Yet there are other benefits too.

Research shows that maintaining levels of Vitamin D can help fight the risks of flu to heart disease and multiple sclerosis! Another benefit of the vitamin is that it suppresses appetite; so helps you feel good that way. Vitamin D also helps fight depression by enabling us to better regulate our mood.

Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)

There is a recognised medical condition called Seasonal Defective Disorder (SAD). With symptoms including: moodiness, irritability, lethargy and weight gain. Which is thought to be caused by the natural body clock becoming confused by thee short days. If you are struggling; don’t hesitate to contact your doctor. Find out more on the NHS website here:

https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/seasonal-affective-disorder-sad/

Bright Light Therapy

A novel invention to try is a Lightbox or SAD lamp.
They work on the idea that by imitating sunlight; you will suppress melatonin and not be so sleepy and sad!

They have a bulb that can reach 10,000 lux; and have the full spectrum of light. Sit in front of a light box for 15 to 30 minutes every morning; with your eyes open but not staring directly at the light. Most people prefer to read in front of them.

Exercise

In the Arctic Circle, the sunsets in winter for almost a month. In Scandinavian countries such as Norway; the government has developed a program to try and get every citizen to attend a gymnasium in these dark days to help stave off the effects of the dark.

It is a sad fact that the long dark nights cause a higher rate of suicide. Norway has realized and tackled this problem head on. They have subsidised gymnasiums for all citizens along with other forms of help. This is because research shows that exercise causes the human body to release serotonin; which normally comes from the sun. Along with endorphins that make you feel well and block pain and dopamine that causes you to feel more awake and elated.

Make use of the long dark evenings

It is cold and dark outside so stay warm and bright inside. Do not get cabin fever; get to know your family again! Put down the phone and turn off the TV and talk!

Read a book; write a book; start a website and a blog; plan your routes to relax for when the sun comes you will be ready!

Escape!

If you are still struggling after trying all these ideas and your stiff upper lip is starting to quiver; then escape!

The birds fly south; so why not you? Do not go on holiday in the English summer; save your pennies for a cold rainy day!

A few ideas to stay relaxed whilst on the road.

A great cause of stress in day to day life can come about whilst driving a car. Most of us have to drive in order to get to work and be with family and friends. Yet this necessary activity does not need to be a source of stress; rather a chance to enjoy the ride and relax. Here below, can I share with you; ten ideas of driving to relax:

1. Combining journeys

Consider how many errands you can combine in one journey. For example: go shopping on the way home from work; book appointments in town on the same day; arrange to visit far away friends and family on the same day; give a lift to a neighbour going the same way.

If you have to use your car and drive; then try and combine as many journeys as possible. Not only are you saving time; you saving fuel, the environment and reducing your risks of becoming stressed whilst out on the road.

2. Allow time and plan your journey

Do not put yourself under pressure; by leaving the house too late and trying to make up by speeding to your destination. If you are driving on unfamiliar roads or to a faraway destination; check traffic reports and plan your journey to avoid traffic jams and roadworks. The AA have a great website; here is a link: https://www.theaa.com/route-planner/route

If you are just driving the regular commute to work or to the next town to see family and friends; why leave late and rush? It is kind of paradoxical; that the more organised and prepared we become, the more time we are actually relaxed. This is because nothing comes as a shock in our schedule.

3. Clean and declutter your car and windscreen

Keep your car clean; especially the windscreen. This is because our peripheral vision notices movement; so take down those air fresheners.

In addition try and keep the windscreen; both inside and out clean. This is because our eyes are constantly focusing on different objects whilst we are driving to be aware of possible threats to our safety. Therefore, help yourself; by cleaning off grime and bugs from the windscreen. If you have cracks in your windscreen; get it replaced as soon as possible. Normally, your car insurance will cover the cost. If the windows are misted up or icy; be patient and let them clear. As the saying goes: “a stitch in time; saves nine”.

4. You are the captain of your ship

If you are carrying passengers be aware of their character and consider how it could affect your ability to drive safely and stay relaxed. Screaming children, crying babies, screaming and crying partners, ‘backseat’ drivers, drunk friends, chatty neighbours; mentally prepare before you set off in the car with them.

Although, you don’t want to come across as a begrudging driver; you are in charge of your car and everyone within it. Like the captain of a ship; if anything happens, you will be held responsible, so be firm yet positive with your passengers. Some passengers, such as children; are simply not aware of how their behaviour can affect your ability to drive in a safe and relaxed manner. So make sure they are in a good mood before you set off; make sure they are fed and watered and have a book or toy to play with. When they inevitably demand to go the toilet in the middle of a freeway; calmly tell them you will pull over as soon as possible. Bring spare clothes and wet wipes for children; so if they cannot hold on, they can freshen up when you are finally able to stop.

5. Let the music play but your way

Personally as a professional truck driver, I drive in silence; without any music or radio. I am listening to the sounds of the engine to gauge engine speed and for outside hazards.

If you do feel the need to play music whilst driving; consider the tempo or speed of the song. Studies have shown that playing music with a beat faster than your heart rate; will subconsciously cause you to speed up and possibly drive in a reckless manner.

Consider, playing classical music to inspire you as you drive through rolling rural landscapes. Try to play happy and upbeat songs; that will cause your body to release serotonin and heighten your senses. Try to avoid to sad or aggressive music that may cause you to dwell on unpleasant thoughts or experiences which may cause you to loose concentration. Try listening to: podcasts, audio-books or a interesting programme on BBC Radio 4 (92-95 FM or 198 long wave).

Yet always be aware of your surroundings; especially approaching emergency vehicles trying to pass you.

6. Read the road and pay it forward

Most road hazards give you warning signs before they develop. Read the road like a developing story and prepare to give way.

A slow moving car in front of you; may mean the driver is looking for an address and may suddenly turn off. Mud on the road; may mean there is a slow moving tractor after a blind bend. Lots of mums walking along the street in mid afternoon; may mean school has finished and children may run out in the road. Look for the signs, that will prepare you; leaving you ready but relaxed.

In addition, never think that you are in a race with other road users. If someone cuts you up; let them go, they are safer in front of you. If someone is waiting patiently to pull out of a side road; let them out if you will not hold up other road users and cause an accident. If a slow lorry is trying to reverse across a road to park; stop and give them the space they need. Pay the love forward and hopefully someone will repay the favour later on.

7. No need for speed

Driving faster than necessary will not get you much further up the road; yet will open you up to risks, fines and avoidable stress.

Most car journeys we make are locally; to work, the shops and family. On these short journeys; speeding will only get there a few minutes quicker at most! For example: driving ten miles at 35 mph instead of 30 mph; will only get you to your destination three minutes earlier. So consider what you will do in those three minutes. Are they worth a speeding ticket? Are they worth risking an accident? Are they worth the extra stress?

8. Pull over

A major cause of stress whilst driving is caused by someone following you too closely; causing you to focus on them and not the road ahead.

So your ego and your self righteousness is telling you to not give in. You want to maintain your sense of self respect; you start to feel anger and malice. You may even in consider driving slower just to spite them. Well quite literally; stop this thinking this way. Instead, consider turning down your rear view mirror. If your wing mirrors are adjustable; then turn them down too. If they are not adjustable; open the window and pull in the wing mirror on the drivers side. This way you can concentrate on the road ahead; without seeing movement in your peripheral vision by way of the mirrors.

If the driver behind you seems aggressive or just too close then consider pulling over when it is safe to do so. If there are no laybys; when you are on a straight stretch of road, indicate to the nearside and pull to the side. This way the driver behind you can safely pass. Trust me, with the danger in front of you; you will soon feel relaxed again.

9. Safe space

Imagine the distance between you and the vehicle in front belongs to you. Simply by slowing down and maintaining a gap; gives you more time to deal with hazards. Remember the old adage: “only a fool breaks the two second rule”. Wait for the car in front to pass a marker; then count two seconds. If you pass the same marker before two seconds you are too close.

The more space and time you give yourself to react to hazards; not only makes you safer but more relaxed. From seeing traffic slowing up ahead to sudden braking; by creating a safe space, you are giving yourself time to think and when you do not have to think quickly, you will only be relaxed.

10. Feeling tired, upset, unwell, under the influence, going blind?

Would you walk a tightrope whilst drunk? Would you try running whilst tired? Would you chop vegetables whilst crying so much you cannot see? Would you go to work feeling so weak and unwell you cannot even stand up? Would you speed along a motorway in thick fog?

Well why get in a car whilst feeling this way? A car does not look like a knife; yet it can kill just as well. Treat driving as a privilege and not a right. Yes you have passed the test and paid for a car; yet that does not mean your need to drive is more important than anyone else. If you do not feel well for any reason; do not drive. If anyone is pressurising you to drive; then tell them to catch the bus and then say goodbye, for you do not need these people in your life.

Therefore, most of us need to drive to work and other commitments that we put upon ourselves. Yet never let driving be a source of stress. You cannot control other drivers; yet by anticipating and being prepared we can allow for mistakes.

Ideally, to be completely relaxed; try to aim for a life without need of a motor car. Tibetan monks, Eskimo, Namibian herdsmen; it is possible to live a complete and satisfying life without the wheel!

Drive safe, drive with care, drive to relax.